


a harbour where one might moor tonight

by pastequefolle



Series: kiss apocalypse goodbye [1]
Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: F/M, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastequefolle/pseuds/pastequefolle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaia comes to terms with being a Goddess, but she doesn't do it entirely on her own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Dora Malech's poem, “To the you of ten years ago, now." Obviously none of these characters belong to me, etc etc, and feedback would be much appreciated.

Gaia is waiting to board the plane that will take her far away from the goddish mess that is her life when her hands begin to shake. It is only a barely perceptible tremble at first but soon she can’t hold her cup of tea steady. Dimly, she hears someone asking if she’s alright but she doesn’t respond; marshalling all her strength, she puts the cup down, and gets up, clenching her fists to control the tremor.

Somehow, she picks up her bag and manages to totter to the washroom, which is surprisingly empty. Under the fluorescent lights, she looks drawn and haggard. _Some Goddess_ , she thinks, and leans down to splash some water on her face. It doesn’t stop her trembling, but she does feel marginally more alert, and the hiss of the water from the taps is strangely soothing. Suddenly there is movement in the corner of her eyes, and she straightens up to see that someone is staring at her reflection in the mirror.

_But it can’t be_ , she thinks, and whirls around. There is no one else in the washroom, so she turns, trembling all over, back to the mirror, where the woman with her face is still gazing serenely at her. _Not woman, Goddess,_ she realizes, as the sharp tang of green apples fills her nostrils. Idunn, or rather this Gaia-Idunn-hallucination, has the bearing you’d expect of a Queen, or a Goddess; she stands there, in a gauzy green dress and bare feet as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. When Gaia tilts her head to look at her, Idunn does the same, and something glints in her ears – gold, apple-shaped earrings.

So you’re the voice I’ve been hearing in my head,” she blurts out.

Idunn smiles, and Gaia feels an immediate warmth in her chest. “Yes, I am. Not that you listen, but yes, I am Idunn.”

_This is beyond surreal_ , Gaia thinks. _I’m having a conversation with the Goddess of Youth and Beauty in a dingy airport washroom._

“Oh no,” says Idunn, “this isn’t so bad as washrooms go. Our last incarnation - Helen - used to run clubs, remember? Now some of those washrooms were _awful_. But no, I’m not here to discuss bathroom décor, fascinating subject though it may be. Darling, you’ve been through so much in the past few weeks, I thought it best if we spoke.”

Gaia’s hands clench around the handle of her shoulder bag. “I’m not going back, Idunn. Not just yet, anyway. I need some space from this whole mess – Axl, my Dad the Giant, and yes, your precious Bragi.” Her voice is high and she feels like she’s on the verge of a crying fit.

“But of course you do,” answers Idunn, moving towards her with consummate grace. In the mirror, Idunn reaches for her hand, and Gaia gives it, watching as if in a dream as their hands clasp. The trembling stops and calm spreads through her. “You must do what you need to do,” the Goddess continues. “After all, _you_ are Idunn now.  However, there is much you need to know about _being_ Idunn, which is why I’m here – to provide you with counsel. Not just yet, though, because right now you have a plane to catch.” Abruptly, the boarding call for her flight echoes through the washroom. “Go,” says Idunn, smiling still, “Take wing, Goddess. We shall speak soon.” With that, she removes her hand from Gaia’s and fades away.

Gaia is still staring at the mirror when another traveller comes in and begins to touch up her makeup. “What is that perfume?” the other woman asks, as she applies mascara with a deft hand. “Something fruity, but I can’t quite –“

“Green apples,” says Gaia as she walks out, her back straight and her hands steady.


	2. On Board

Gaia leafs absentmindedly through a magazine as the flight stewards go through their safety routine. When they get to the part about all mobile devices being switched off for take-off and landing, she winces; she’d taken the SIM card out of her phone on the airport shuttle bus and chucked it out the window – she didn’t need any more plaintive texts from Axl or shameless sexts from Anders weakening her resolve. So now here she is, on board and the seat next to hers looks to be unoccupied, which is the best thing to have happened to her all day, so _of course_ , just then someone sweeps into it.

It’s Idunn again, perched regally on the seat like she owns not just the plane, but the entire airline. “Well,” she says, turning to Gaia, “this is cosy, isn’t it?” Before Gaia can reply she goes on: “Don’t worry, I’m not really here, sitting next to you; this is all in your head. We need to talk, but the disembodied voice approach hasn’t worked, so now your brain is projecting an image of me to go with the voice. Make sense?”

“Not really?” replies Gaia, looking around to see if anyone is looking at her strangely. No one is, so she leans back and turns to Idunn. “Alright, Idunn. You said we need to talk? Talk.”

The Goddess tilts her head, considering. After a minute, she starts. “First off, the thing you most need to understand is that there is no ‘We’ here. This is not a binary situation – you are not sharing your head _with_ a Goddess, you have _become_ a Goddess. Me, the voice you heard, all of that is you. _You_ are now Idunn, with Idunn’s wants and needs and her powers.”

Gaia stares. “No, that can’t be. I heard you before – I see you now – of course you’re in my head! I never had these problems before I turned twenty-one…“ She trails off into shocked silence.

“Of course you didn’t, because before, you were not fully yourself – sort of incomplete. When you turned twenty-one, you became a Goddess, as you were always intended to be; you became _whole_. This conversation isn’t Gaia and Idunn talking, this is _you_ , coming to terms with your Godhood.”

Gaia stares blankly in front of her, dimly aware that the plane has just begun to taxi down the runway. When she speaks again, the seatbelt signs are off, and her voice is quiet. “But I love Axl.”

Idunn’s face is both serene and compassionate. “Does not Idunn love Odin All-Father as her King?”

“I was going to be FRIGG!” Gaia shrieks. “We would have been together!” No one else seems to notice her raised voice.

“Were you? Why not Papatuanuku? Or Sif? Or Sigyn for that matter? Fate is a vast tapestry, and prophecy the merest strand thereof. I’ve no doubt that Frigg is close at hand, but she unfortunately is not you.”

Gaia flops back against her seat, thinking furiously. After a few minutes, a stewardess comes by with a drinks cart, and Gaia asks for apple juice, watching as she opens a carton and pours her a glass. Idunn, being a product of her not-so-fevered brain, is ignored.

Gathering her thoughts, Gaia takes a sip of the apple juice – and then another, and another. It may be the best apple juice she has ever had; before she lands, she needs to find out what brand they’re serving.

“Fresh, I take it?” asks Idunn.

“Very,” says Gaia, savouring every drop.

“So fresh it feels as though it was freshly squeezed from apples just off the tree?”

“Huh? Yes, but –“

“You’re the goddess of youth and _rejuvenation_. As in Hel’s presence food decays, so in your presence it is the epitome of freshness. You’ll never eat a stale meal again.”

Gaia raises her eyebrows and considers the glass in her hand. The last dregs of apple juice are a mellow gold in the light streaming through her window.

“So, we’re not really having a conversation; Idunn and Gaia are mind-melding or something?”

Idunn nods.

“Do the other Gods do this? Because I got the feeling everyone else figured out their powers on the go?”

Idunn shakes her head, slowly.                                                                                                  

“So then why is this happening? Why is it important that I understand what’s going on?”

 “You remember what Eggther said when he was leaving? Why the giants knew to come looking for you?”

“Something about something stirring?” Gaia shrugs.

Idunn shudders: “Jormungand, spawn of Loki, the serpent that encircles the world is stirring, and if Jormungand stirs, that means only one thing – our twilight is upon us.”

“Twilight?” Gaia asks. And suddenly a word appears in her mind – something unknown and yet long dreaded – _Ragnarok_.


	3. In Flight

“The world is coming to an end?” Gaia whispers.

“There is some doubt about whether that end is literal or figurative, but yes. A long time ago, back in the old country, Snotra told me she thought Ragnarok was just the end of our lives as mortals, and the beginning of an Asgard more glorious than the one we left behind. Of course, all seers are slightly mad, and that Snotra was madder than most, so I’m not sure whether I believe it. I’d like to, but our human lives have not left me much hope that there is a happy ending for the Aesir.”

Gaia drains her apple juice and sits back. Finally she says, “If our world is coming to an end, shouldn’t I be with them? Was it alright for me to leave?” Involuntarily, her mind flashed to Anders, sharp-edged, funny, _annoying_ ; Anders who makes stupid jokes about vegetarians, and Anders who laughs during sex; Anders whom she hates, and without whom she feels oddly bereft.

Idunn is looking at her knowingly. “When it is the right time to return, you will know it. For now, this is the best thing for you. Becoming a Goddess unfortunately derailed your career –“ Gaia thinks back to her resignation letter from the hospital and winces, “ – and hopefully an overseas experience will put that back on track.” When Gaia gives her a quizzical look, she says, “What? There’s no reason why you can’t be a Goddess _and_ a professional woman! Anyway, now that you’ve removed yourself from the picture, Odin can start looking for Frigg again which is what we _all_ want. “

Speaking of things she wants – “What about Anders – Bragi, I mean?”

“What about him?” Idunn looks almost peevish. “I think a little distance will teach him to appreciate his wife, instead of comparing her to French desserts.”

French desserts? Gaia feels very confused. Unappreciated _?_ Parts of her are _still_ feeling very appreciated after her last encounter with Anders.

Idunn seems to have moved on. Quietly, she says, “The days of the Aesir are numbered. I would not have you blind to your true self as our final battle approaches, nor would I see you unhappy. Since you met Axl - since before he became Odin, you have been unhappy in your love for him. You deserve contentment, Idunn, and this journey should provide you with a measure of it.”

Gaia reaches her hand out, and Idunn takes it. Once again, she feels that sense of warmth and calm spread through her. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, the seat next to her is empty, but she hears Idunn’s voice – her voice – clearly say, “Live, Goddess,” and she intends to follow her advice.


End file.
